Le Motre D'Lunchtime

In the beginning was dinosaurs. Then we all got drunk and then there came forth the Goth Edition1. And it was crap. So crap we did another one, and we called it Doggie on Tour2. This one wasn't too bad actually. Not as good as Asbestosis3 (which spurted forth from the loinbox of Phil Todd (carry on communism!)).

Our second papery effort, getting betterThen there was the last of them, which was the Strike edition4, and it wasn't as big nor was it of charitable status5, which is good because we made damn all on all of them.

Then in 1990 we were sick to death of bits of paper and went digital. Lunchtime #1 - Digital Dog disc magaxine appeared in many forms on the Commodore Amiga and Acorn Archimedes. It wasn't bad at all, really. And as a direct result of that, we got many copies of Factsheet Five6.

Later in 1990 we did another one - Lunchtime #2 - Hamsters on the Prowl. That was nice.

In 1991 we tried again - Lunchtime #3 - Edward's Revenge. Edward is a blue bear and here is his song:

 

I'm a Blue bear what's called Edward
I'm not a piece of deadwood
I'm never called a headboard
Although I'm white and blue.

I'm a cute and furry blue bear
I'm really into shoe care.
Is that a pot of glue there -
I hope it is, don't you?

Edward never ever appeared in the magazine.

Now you know why.

Then we got good. And I mean really really good. Lunchtime #4 - Yul Brynner's Memorial Toolshed. Written in 1993 while drunk in charge of a bald corpse.

1994 saw the appearence of Lunchtime #5 - Wardrobe Racing for Foreigners.

In 1996 we came out one last time with Lunchtime #6 - Danger : Unexploded Whippet. About the best thing we have ever done (until this web-site).

Then halfway through doing Lunchtime #7 - The One that Got a Gay, when we thought "bugger it" and did a web-site instead which you are reading now so that is where the history lesson ends.

Oh, and in case you are wondering why we were called Lunchtime, well there are several versions of this story, and since I am the one who came up with the name, only I know which one is true. And for those who care, here is the reason:

Graphic - The Honestly True Reason that the mag was called Lunchtime

The free sample - A desparate cry for help.Well, it started off with this idea that we had that each issue should have a different name (and we had never even heard of Oz at this time, so it was quite a new idea for us at least). The only connecting thing would be the first word of the title (in this case it was going to be the word 'Absolutely'). Then the bloody TV show came out and we had to change it else it would have annoyed us too much. The next couple of ideas were too bad for any of us to remember. Some way down the list was "Lunchtime with an advertising executive selling lingerie". For some reason only the first word survived.

Now that's all clear, I'm off to be an human sandbug at violence school.

Love, joy and the antiques roadshow to you all.

Neil7

UPDATE:
Since creating this website we have gradually started shedding our Lunchtime past, so references to it are gradually getting fewer and fewer. But rest assured somewhere there will remain a trace (albeit a very very small one, because this little piece will soon be all that's left of the old mag). By the way, I'm the one in the hat.

FURTHER UPDATE:
Since the revamp in March 2006, Lunchtime has been unshed again. We seem to be getting bits and sellotaping them back into the site quicker than you can say "Pizzle". That's the wheel of progress for you I suppose.

1Lunchtime - Goth Edition; ©19898 A. Bennett, G. Charters, N. Davies. Copies are still unavailable at £1 each. By God, this issue was typeset on a BBC Master Compact, an Amstrad WPC8512 and a Commodore 64!

2Lunchtime - Doggie on Tour; ©1989 A. Bennett, G. Charters, N. Davies, J. McDonald, Rosemary, P. Todd.

3Asbestosis was a music fanzine which was done by (among others) Phil Todd. Neil wrote some stuff for it, just as Phil writes stuff for Lunchtime. What a cozy little arrangement. One issue has a picture of Godzilla on it.

4Lunchtime - On Strike; ©1990 A. Bennett, G. Charters, N. Davies, G. Farrington, Rosemary, R. Harper. We can't think for the life of us who R. Harper is or what he did for the mag, but since it was in the original mag I'll include it here. I'll bet any money he just wrote one line or half a gag or something.

5The proceeds of the first two issues went to charity, because we are a bit funny like that and we had more money than sense. We raised about £20 for the Worldwide Fund for Nature, and about the same for Amnesty International. Since the first issue cost us around £150 to print, this means we made a net loss of about £140. Never ever try to start a small business with anyone involved in this magazine. We're just too nice.

6Factsheet Five is (or was) a fanzine which reviewed other fanzines and was produced in the USA. We actually got a review for the first Lunchtime Disc Mag, and as a result every month we received copies of the mag (all 300 pages), until it finally folded in 1992 owing to lack of sales (most of them were given away). Never ever start a small business with anyone who publishes anything with Five (or Fifth) in the title.

7At about this point in writing this bit, I realised that I was not only wallowing in nostalgia like some geriatric hippo high off his box on some morphines, but I also realised that the whole thing is very self-indulgent. Since this sort of thing is not what we are about, I urge you not to read this article. Oops! Too late.

8Oh my! We've been doing this for over ten years! We still haven't learnt anything!

 

© Lunchtime