It will not be long now before we are able,
To make use of all the resources,
Which we have at our disposal.

Instead of burial underground,
Bones and flesh, together pound,
Flavoured with additives and coloured prettily,
Are made into a compound mix,
And fed to cattle, pigs and chicks.
Fed to the uncomprehending poor,
Who innocently ask for more.
For their sakes we can not waste our Earth's resources,
Which we have at our disposal,
And it will all be done so hygienically.

What we are proposing is not really new;
Civilisations through the ages have practised this economy,

And on our overcrowded planet it's fast becoming a necessity.
For, by the year two thousand,
Half our population will be approaching ninety!
I am sure you all must see, the impracticability
Of keeping everyone alive
When they've reached the end of their profitability.
Most of their lives are spent in slumber
We shall just be bringing forward their release.
Why, I can even see them thanking us,
For helping them toward such bliss!

No one under "Eighty" will be asked to make the sacrifice,
And many will have "Popped off" before.
It would be selfish, After they've had such a happy life,
To deny the under-privileged of the chance of just a little more.
I'm sure they'll be glad to help
To make good use of all the resources,
Which we have at our disposal,
Especially when they see how very hygienically.

The initial cost will be practically minimal,
We can utilise our existing fleet of local council vehicles.
Scrubbed and sterilised and painted a sparkling white,
Fitted with all modern cleaning facilities;
The "Body Wash" with brushes and lots of detergent,
The final rinse with powerful jets of sterilised, clean water,
Will leave every orifice ultra-clean and sweet,
For it would never do, to spread germs and diseases,
From dirty nose, and dirty feet.
Everyone must see, that we must make good use,
Of all the resources, which we have at our disposal,
And you can see that it will be done so hygienically.

I am sure I speak for all health conscious people,
It's all good protein after all.
And with the hygienic precautions taken,
We can all be sure that the mix will be,
Guaranteed listeria and salmonella free
We must all spread the word, that we must all make good use
Of the resources which we have at our disposal,

And emphasize how very healthy and hygienic it will be.
The principal of self-sacrifice,
Will be part of the new core-curriculum;
Just a few minutes each day,
We'll keep it to a minimum.
We shall have to start with the four-year-olds,
Or even in the nursery,
The sooner we start the brain-washing,
The easier it will be.
We don't want the kiddies to be afraid,
When they see the White, Hygienic, Monster on its way.
We want them to welcome it, as a friend,
Taking all Granny's cares and pains away.
Text book writers, and authors can bring it into their stories,
It can be done quite unobtrusively,
We can also put out messages on radio and T.V.
They won't know about it, it will be done subliminally.
And when they are older they can practise in our laboratories,
And those who show an aptitude can be sent to our Collages.
Just think how pleased their parents will be,
To have them make a career where there'll be no redundancy.
I think that we can promise good prospects for all,
Who process the resources which we have at our disposal,
And who will have certificates to prove,
That they can do it hygienically.
As Minister for sport, I am very much aware,
Of the dangers of steroids and drugs.
I also see that there is also a need,

For protein that's free from bacteria and bugs.
Quite a lot of these old folks have been,
Sportsmen and women in their time,
And, as such, can be relied upon,
To come to heel and toe the line.
They're used to being called upon,
To "Play up, Play up and play the game",
And when the others see them,
I think they'll be quite happy to do the same.
We can even organise a prize!
For the one who comes most cheerfully,
Of course, It wouldn't be of much use to them,
But there, It's all part of life's lottery.
All our sporting community will benefit,
From this utilisation of our resources,
Which are there for our disposal,
They can trust us implicitly,
To see that it's done ultra hygienically.
Interest rates are the way to control,
Our inflating economy,
Inflation may go on rising for a little while,
But will start coming down,
In a year, or two, or three.
And it makes sound economic sense to make good use,
Of the resources which we have at our disposal,
And, best of all, they're absolutely free!

Good housekeeping is the way to make the Nation thrive,
The people have got to see.
That it's no use just keeping people alive,
But of course, you'll always need me,

To make sure that we make good use,
Of all the resources that we have at our disposal,

And to make quite sure, that it's done hygienically.

In spite of our devotion, to our beloved Nation,
My Husband and I agree,
That although she's well over eighty,
No one is going to eat my Mother for their tea.
I couldn't care less whether we make good use,
Of all the resources which we have at our disposal,
However hygienically.

In front of the fire, I sit dozing,
Cat is purring on my knee,
Looking up I see a Monster, See the White, Hygienic Monster,

God, oh god - - - it's come - - - for me!

text © Gina Farrington


© Lunchtime